On the road... oh the humanity.

I'm officially a business traveller. I spent pretty much all day yesterday in airports or on a plane. I love travelling - I love planes and airports and the whole ritual of it. It can get tiring, yeah, but there's something about moving outside of my comfort zone that's really invigorating. Also I really like people watching. And right now I'm down in the much-maligned Bible Belt, soaking up southern accents and sweetness. As a whole, the South often gets a bad rap, but on an individual basis I tend to feel quite happy here - folks are so friendly and warm and oh - you know I love those accents. Picked it right up too... as usual.

Right now I'm posting from the hotel in Little Rock restaurant sports bar watching about 7 different college games and feeling pretty homesick for my Dallas family. (Hook 'em horns!) Across from me is a mom, with her twin girls, dressed alike natch and their grandma who is asking the girls if they'd like some "dee-ip". An older couple watching the game and not talking. A couple of guys drinking beers and eating burgers.

Earlier I did my first RA seminar - talking to some very sweet people about why exercise is so important. I think it went well... I almost left out one part but managed to put it in later in the talk and I don't think I talked too fast. Doing this - being on my own, not knowing anyone (all the other seminar speakers and facilitators know each other) and then teaching... all definitely outside my comfort zone. Big time. But it's really fun! I was really nervous - I haven't been nervous in front of a crowd for a while (well, since the wedding, but that was different!), and it was really interesting to watch my mind roll and rumble as I started. I kept hearing Ajax say "whenever you feel nervous, go slower" and that was the perfect advice! That and remember that a) most of these folks don't exercise and b) I am here to help them get stronger and heal a little.

Okay - lunch is here - more later! I'm off to Chicago for a couple days and then another seminar in Rockford IL and one more in South Carolina before I get to go home. I miss home already!

YES. We CAN.

Money and the Universal Mind

Just a little note about money... I've been noticing on various news-ish sites lately (Yahoo Finance, Suze Orman) a disturbing new trend to tell people why they aren't rich or how they have completely and totally fucked up their lives financially. Now granted that last one was just an article about what was, I'm sure, a much more in-depth and enlightening Oprah episode with Suze Orman about things we can do to tighten belts and not freak out during this recession.

Not freak out.

And yet everyone is. It's all over the news, on everyone's lips, it's everywhere.

And not without good reason. But here's the thing - even the people who know better, the "Secret" folks, the "Law of Attraction" devotees are talking about it. Heck, even my boss is holding a special "batten down the hatches" meeting next week. And that's all fine to tighten up a little, not go all crazy with the spending. Except that if everyone stops spending AND keeps talking about how no one has any money, won't we just keep perpetuating that cycle, both physically and energetically?

My dad keeps sending me "Don't panic" emails, which I honestly and truly appreciate. It's sweet and since we both use the same financial advisor, I'm gathering that his "Don't panic" edicts are really coming from her, so it's reassuring too. But the thing is: I'm not panicking. Not actually too worried. Sure we'll eat a few less meals out - we've been doing that anyway. And the new couch we were hoping for (and really do need soon) will wait. But we're both employed, have good job security and have some money in savings and a little more money in stocks.

But at the same time, if we sit in house, scared to spend anything, then it feels like we aren't really contributing to the greater good - isn't the point to at least spend a little so the economy will grow? Personally if I have a meal at Local or Town & Country, I feel like I'm contributing to my local economy. And that feels good - I'm helping to keep a business afloat, I tip well enough to feel like I'm helping out those with less than I have (the servers, because let's face it, waiting tables doesn't net you a lot of dough).

Well, that's my two cents.

Magic

Yesterday Ajax and I did a little spell for success - it was a simple spell, involving lavender oil, and chanting over a yellow candle. Before chanting, we had to hold our candles and visualize our desires, see ourselves receiving whatever it is we wanted to receive, opening a letter or acceptance, or seeing a bigger paycheck, etc etc.

As I held my candle, I realized with some dismay, that I had no definite goal. No concrete thing that had to do with work or career that I could visualize for myself. At first, I was upset by that realization, then looked a little deeper into the feeling of being upset. Moved through it to a place of surrender and asked myself how I do visualize MY LIFE in the next few years.

And what I saw was a happy house, a little chaotic, with toddlers running amok and Ajax and I both juggling home-based jobs and kids. Juggling in a good way - both of us able to be home with our kids whenever possible.

So that's what I wished for - that's what I visualized.

Will you visualize it with me?

Facebook and a foggy morning

It's been a few months... a long long few months filled with joyous events like our beautiful wedding and another wild weird eye & soul-opening trip to Burning Man.

And now it's officially fall. I can tell by the way the fog hangs in the palm trees in the morning. It's making me nostalgic for Virginia or Vermont; for those cool mornings when you didn't really have to do anything for a few hours and the weather made it okay to just curl up and read in bed for a few more hours.

But today I am here to admit something many of you already know:

Hi, my name is Brooke and I am a Facebook addict.

It's true.

It's sad.

But here are some of the good things that have happened because of Facebook:

I got to see recent pictures of Chelsey and the twins (Chelsey will be 18 soon! yikes!). I still miss those kids, even after 4 years.

I have connected with people from college that I wasn't actually that good friends with, but always really liked. And am having lunch with a bunch of them tomorrow!

I discovered that one of my old Woodmont/Swanson/W-L schoolmates lives in LA... and his wife takes my Mommy & Me class. I "officially" met her yesterday, and adore her, and we're all planning to get together for brunch soon! So yay for NEW friendships from old acquaintances.

I keep up with friends I've been missing over the years - friends I've know since kindergarten, or junior high, or high school, or college or even just in other lives here in LA. It's awesome to see that my friend Audra, from those weird years with Candace, just had a baby. A little weird to see that her mobile updates while she was in labor, but such in the modern world we live in! And it was a great way to let a lot of people know in a short amount of time.

But here's why I like Facebook the most right now:
There are folks in my friends list I wasn't necessarily BFF with in high school - some I just plain didn't really like. We had different priorities, or they were prettier/more popular than me and I held it against them, or whatever... But now we're all in our (oh God!) late-30's and I look at photos of them with their kids and wives or husbands and I realize that none of that really mattered. I am truly happy to see these people as adults, smiling with their cute kids and find myself wondering what kind of adult did they turn out to be? Are they someone I could be friends with now? And most of the time the answer's yes. And thankfully I get to have that chance. It's cool.

I was once accused of wanting to hold onto a friendship simply because it was an old friendship, because we'd be friends since we were 6. And my answer to that accusation then (and now) is no - I want to hold onto a friendship that old because it's been a part of my soul for so long that to lose it completely would be like cutting off my little toe. Yes, I may not need my little toe, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't miss it if it were gone.

In the time that I've waxed somewhat poetic about a social network site, the fog has completely lifted off the garden and out of the palm trees, leaving behind a beautiful, clear and crisp morning behind. I was hoping for a cooler day, some time to work in the garden, but that will have to be later, when it cools off a bit. In Southern California it's always summer.

Back on the Grid

The last week or so has been rough. Work stress for both of us and a bit of a Hippo decom made the end of last week up until this week rocky and frustrating.

For me, I felt like I was drowning under my new work responsibilities, my old work responsibilities and my personal responsibilities (hotel blocks! registries! ring designs! oh my!)... and the more overwhelmed I felt the more I could feel old patterns of "gotta do everything perfectly, can't complain, just suck it up..." rearing their ugly heads.

And okay, it didn't help that I was PMS-ing bigtime and having not really had bad PMS before going on the pill for a year, and not having it all while I was on the pill, I wasn't entirely sure what was happening, hormonally-speaking. (Also my monthly visitor arrived abotu 4 days early... which is better than late, don't get me wrong!)

Add all of that to taxes (oh oh oh we owe!) and a major energy shift at work, as we tried, unsuccessfully to buy out the stockholders and wham bam! All of that led to one very stressed out me... I should have clued in and realized it was time to slow down for a bit when I gashed up my little finger doing dishes. (Probably should have gotten stitches... or at least had a doc look at it, but it seems to be fine now. Bled for fuckin-ever though.)

By the time Friday night, the last weekend of Teacher Training, rolled around I was already exhausted and so not in the mood for catching Gurmukh's stressed out flak about how we were doing our practicums. (My standard answer of "It's what we did last year and it was fine then" didn't seem to appease her.)

I will say this though - working out has made me stronger emotionally. Rather than backpedaling when being questioned, I stood my ground. So much so, actually, that Tej had to say "We're not criticizing you, Hari Parkash." (Really? Cause it kind of feels like it.)

Long story short, I was ready for the weekend by 9:30 on Monday!

But I wasn't alone! Marlene had similar issues. So did Ben. So when I ran into Eaglewoman on Monday afternoon I asked her what was up... and she agreed that the energy of the full moon (oh yeah? Did I mention the full moon?) had things wacky. She also said that she'd noticed on Friday night my energy was off, and she was already sending me healing energy and that she wanted to gift me with a free session. SCORE!

Now all of that is a longgggg way of getting to the heart of this episode, which was today's incredible session with Eaglewoman.

I will start by saying that I was already feeling much more productive, more appreciated and stronger in the last couple of days. Without getting all "woman-power" about it, I do think the release of getting my period (have I mentioned it was 4 dang days early?) helped immensely. But I was not prepared at all really for the incredible power of this session with Eaglewoman.

We started as we always do with an opening of the space in which she says a prayer, as I (or anyone getting a treatment) stand, slightly pigeon-toed and knees soft, hands open, spine tall. As she began her prayer I felt an immense sense of calm come over me. Then I felt tingles all up and down my spine as I saw the spirit of a young man walk around me, brushing my aura with an eagle feather. I asked to see his face and when he stood in front of me, all I saw was the deep, kind eye of a hawk, yellow and blinking calmly. Ooookaay... stage was set for some powerful mojo.

After the prayer I laid down on the massage table, and Eaglewoman covered me up with a blanket and covered my eyes with a soft cotton cloth. Her treatments are very interactive, there's no drifting off as the angels just do their magic. You've got to do some work as well... She gently places her hands on different parts of my body - mostly my heart center and tummy and begins to ask different questions: "I am feeling that you are overly stressed - how does this resonate with you? It feels like you are attached to your thinking side of your brain, your analytical side, more than usual. Breathe deeply and go back to the point where this pattern was triggered. What happened there?"

It sounds silly, but it's hard work to dig that deep and trust so much. And a lot of issue came up. Like trust - as in my ability to really trust myself on a deep level to have what it takes to live up to this new promotion. Or on an ever deeper level to be a mother. Because, as she told me for the second time, there is a little soul petitioning very very hard to come over. She says it's a boy.

But don't go getting all excited - other people have said we'll have girls, and both Ajax and I have envisioned girls in our own meditations and trances. Actually it's kind of interesting that she's said a boy, because it's showing me my own investment in having a daughter. What I really want is a healthy happy child. A girl or a boy. I know we can raise an son to be a incredible man. One of the first things I thought when Ajax and I first got together was that with him, I'd be excited to raise a son because I know he'd be such a good powerful kind compassionate man. So who knows...

Back to the treatment...
(this is getting long...)

As we moved deeper into the session (which at once seemed to fly by in 10 minutes and also seemed to be two hours), Eaglewoman helped me to uncover some deep seeded fears of moving foward into my own strength. And helped me move into a stronger feeling of self-worth and appreciation for my own gifts. She also said that because I am so sensitive I take on the emotions (worry, fear, frustration...) of those closest to me (who me?), but what I have to learn is that because I am empathic, I need to learn how to discern what is mine and what is not. And to also learn not to take the stuff that's not mine so personally.

She also said that when I'm stressed, I tend to think from my analytic mind, relying on facts, figures and what I know. But in the end relying on that stuff doesn't actually help, but hurts because when I go to that left brained world, I turn off the intuitiveness and the creativity of the other side. So it's time to "forget what I know and remember what I've forgotten."

And with that release we went deeper. The whole time she was saying that she was re-aligning my grid and my position on the grid. As she worked on solidifying the grid, she said that the elders were placing a big emerald on my heart center and were handing me the archives - both of which are thing she'd not seen with other people before. Basically it means that it's really really time for me to step fully into my spiritual power and to start expecting miracles. Not to look for them, but just expect them to arrive.

It was a powerful experience. During the hour I went wayyy out to old lives, felt I was looking over an ocean from inside a cave on a cliff and felt as if I understood the entire universe and could heal the world.

After the session we were talking about the experience - we both agreed the ocean vision felt Atlantean (Atlantic?). I'm sure I had a lifetime in Atlantis (oh here I go, all woo-woo!) as a healer, but Eaglewoman confirmed it and said not only was I a healer but I could also move things telepathically.

We also talked a little about my dreams, which are getting more and more vivid... And her take on my dreams is that, just like in waking life, I am able to shift energy and create healing energy for the people I am dreamign about. Usually it's me in the dream, but she said that I have to start learning how to discern when it really is me, and when it's someone else that I am helping to heal. So I have to become more lucid in dreamstate. This will be interesting...

After the session I felt both 12 feet tall and light as a feather. Now I am tired. But so so so very grateful. Grateful that I spend my days in a place that encourages the kind of energy work I did today, grateful that I got to spend two hours of my workday babysitting my friend Elizabeth's little girl, and most grateful of all to come home to a beautiful house on top of a hill to find two sweet happy kittens and one amazing husband.

Back on the grid. And life is good.

And we're back.

Back to Los Angeles. Back to work. Back to Mount Valentine...

We came back to LA and to amazing weather. 85 degrees. Sunny, light breeze. Just perfect. To say we were already ready for the weekend by about 10 am on Thursday would be a serious understatement. Imagine - a whole weekend with NOTHING TO DO! No plans, other than laundry. Oh and the wedding registry. Oh... and designing the invites. Oh... and dishes. Oh... and grocery shopping. Oh... and getting kitty food and flea treatment (for kitties and maybe for me too... grrr). Oh... and most important - weed out the garden!

But beyond that - nothing to do! And to be honest not much got done yesterday. Just the laundry. Well it got washed and dried. Putting it away will be today's task. Along withe above mentioned list of stuff...

So what did get done yesterday? A lovely long roundabout walk to Silver Lake Blvd for breakfast at the uber-swanky LAMILL Coffee shop. It's really not fair to call this place with it's mirrored walls and green snake-skin-like chairs and it's super fancy coffee a coffee shop. It's a coffee experience. The food was amazing too. I had baked eggs with a little bit of bacon and mushrooms - perfect size, absolutely tasty! And a virgin mojito, for which I am a sucker. This one had a mild iced tea, mint, club soda and sugar. Lots of the latter - it could have been less and still been yummy. Ben's coffee was strong, flavorful and not bitter.

A faster walk back along Sunset meant I could leave another message (this time in person!) for the manager at the Comfort Inn... this makes 5 in 5 weeks. Annoying, especially considering I am looking to give them a fair amount of business...

Back at Mount Valentine laundry was begun. Kittens were played with and cuddled. They are so happy we're home. Buster can't seem to disengage himself from my neck if I'm in bed. Boy is he going to be confused when I have a kid who's pretty much in that same region on a regular basis! Ella just rolls around in ecstasy every time we go near her and lets us rub her little heart-center, purring the whole time.

Around 2:00 I checked the Gluten-Free Girl's website and found an intriguing post on arepas. Little cornmeal pancakes. It called for pre-cooked white cornmeal, found mostly at Latino markets. Well, hello! We are surrounded by Latino markets! What a great excuse for another walk... So Ben and I went down to the better of the three within a 5 minute walk, stopping at the antique shops along the way.

Also stopped at Simple, which is a very cute little party store.. emphasis on little. But they sell lemon drops and gumballs in paint cans! PAINT CANS! And have not one, not two, but FOUR cupcake recipe books. We now need to throw a party. Who's birthday is next? (Ahem, Brian...)

At the market, I found a dizzying array of flours - rice, corn, wheat... not your average Von's this place... we ended up also coming with with the tostaditas, lime, avocado and real Mexican cokes. Mexican sodas don't have any corn or high fructose syrup. Just plain old regular sugar. You can taste the difference. And they come in much smaller bottles, just 12 oz as opposed to those crazy 48 oz things you get at 7-11.

As we walked home, I could already taste lunch: left-over roast chicken, tossed with fresh lime juice and sprinkled with salt, laying on fresh avocado all on a crispy tostada. With lime juice drizzled cucumbers on the side. And that ice cold coke. mmmmmmm.... It was just as delicious as I thought it was going to be! I could eat that every day for a week! (In fact I will probably have it for lunch today!) We ate our lunch on the veranda (we're now calling the porch the veranda... much more fitting for Mount Valentine) and stayed out there reading until we were too hot and had to come in. I think we lasted about 2 hours.

Then a luscious nap before getting up and attempting the arepas. Mixing them was easy - pour lukewarm water into the cornmeal and mush up with your hand. It felt neat - like gritty clay. The directions on the bag said to let it sit for five minutes so I did. Next time I make them I will try Shauna's recipe, which has a different ratio of cornmeal to water and also has oil. And no waiting - you just pop them right on the skillet. And then you wait. They have to cook for a long time on both sides and then in the oven too.

When they were done (or rather, when I couldn't wait any more because it was 9 pm and I was hungry) I cut one up and the inside was mushy and it tasted like cream of wheat, but with a corny flavor. I thought it was weird. I put some butter on it. Better. Duh.

Ben actually really like them, and ended up using two for buns for his buffalo burger and was really happy about it. So that's good. I will attempt them again later today... I think mine need to be thicker and a little bigger.

So yeah - after the registry, the invites, after the dishes, after the GARDEN, I will make more arepas. Mostly because I just really really like saying arepas!