38 weeks

It's hard to believe that cute little face is soon going to be peeking out of my body!! And bringing the rest of her wiggly self with her!

Dang. She's so cute. It's going to be hard to put her down for anything.

I mean, seriously. Look at those cute little lips!

And those fingers. Just resting under her chin, already she's a model.

In other news the ceiling in the nursery is officially scraped clean of popcorn... only to find that the ceiling is, as predicted, crap. So we need to hustle now and get Brett to get out here and get wainscotting or beadboard or something up. Ajax suggested fabric. I immediately had nightmarish visions of fire... *shudder* So yeah - obvioulsy no on the fabric, though aesthetically it might look cool.

Meanwhile ALL and I mean ALL of the contents of the nursery are currently in our dining room. Le big sigh. I need to get one more under bed box for various linens that are taking up valuable drawer space... Then Ruby will get the big brown dresser. Plus a little tiny dresser. I'm itching to get in there and get it all put away - mostly so I know what we have and we still need....

I'm totally stealing this from someone else's blog (the818.com - great read!) I wish I'd been doing this all along... ugh. Oh well.

How far along? 38 Weeks.
Total weight gain/loss: Not thinking about it at all. Can't. Too upsetting.
Stretch marks? Many and deep. Weird. The ones on my tummy don't bother me near as much as the ones on my hips.
Sleep: bwahh haa haa haa haa! Sleep? Are you serious? *wipes tears of laughter away*
Best moment this week: Getting the ceiling scraped and getting the sketch for the nursery. Yes we are cutting it close...
Movement: Lots of rolls and stretches with the occasional roundhouse kick to the ribs if someone is hungry and someone else is feeling too lazy/big to get out of bed/off the couch to get food.
Food cravings: Lamb. Bizarre. Have not succumbed. Yet. (Trying to get pictures of cute little lambs out of my brain)
Gender: Girl.
Labor Signs: Some Braxton Hicks - they feel like the most mild of cramps. I have to stop and think "oh hey - that was a BH contraction" because it just feels like day 4 of my period.
Belly Button in or out? In. Sometimes flat and sometimes way in. It's weird.
What I miss: My energy - I get tired really easily.
What I am looking forward to: The experience of labor, how it will deepen my relationship with Ajax and with myself.
Weekly Wisdom: Arch supports are my friends.

But since I know you, my loyal reader (s??), really just want to gaze at the cuteness and perfection that is Ruby - here are a few more gems:

A new role

Today is my first "real" day of having my morning off... Monday was a holiday, Tuesday morning was filled with doctor's appointments (we found a pediatrician - yay!) and yesterday I worked in the morning because I had an afternoon midwife appointment. So today I'm blissfully washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning the bathroom... Honestly blissfully! I like being home. I'm also somewhat trapped here waiting for the AT&T rep to come install our landline, but at least I've been productive so far. Considering it's only 9:15!

I'm definitely in some sort of "me" zone. Yesterday I put the car in reverse instead of drive and promptly backed into the neighbor's car. Car's fine (mine and theirs), baby is fine... I'm a little sore, but I was a little sore before, so that's nothing new. Just a reminder to slow down even more and pay attention to what I'm doing! Yesterday afternoon I was in Whole Foods and had that same "me" zone experience... I wandered around for 15 minutes before I remembered I was there for two things: ghee and tea tree oil.

What's new and different is that I like being in this zone. It's really "me and baby" zone. I feel connected to her and all I really want to do is rub my tummy and talk to her all day.

Yesterday (that's now the third sentence I've started with that word), I ran into Eaglewoman. Eaglewoman and Ruby have a very sweet friendship - Ruby has been visiting with her for a few years now (YEARS!). When she first showed up she told Eaglewoman she was waiting for her mommy. She's a patient girl. At our 120th Day ceremony an angel brought Ruby's soul down to me while I was in Eaglewoman's healing hands. And yesterday Eaglewoman told me that Ruby was visiting with her and showing her a spider-web type grid - her life grid. I don't know much about grids, except that apparently we all have one... like a life-path. Anyway, she was showing Eaglewoman different colored ribbons and yarns, saying "this one goes here, this one goes here."

What's remarkable about this (you know, aside from my astral-projecting daughter visiting a shaman descended from Geronimo on a regular basis... cause that's just normal, right?) is that I have a little project for Ruby's room that could indeed look a little like a spider-web and uses different colored ribbons and yarns. Cool huh? :) Not even born yet and already making with the symbolism.

Oh and Ruby digs the Clash.

She's one rad kid.

Baby showers and baby dreams

Yesterday we went to a baby shower for a young woman who I've known since she was 11. She's 18 now and yes, pregnant. And over the moon about it. And her boyfriend, though very quiet, seems like a sweet, kind, good guy. I was Chelsey's nanny for almost 3 years. We went through a lot in those three years and I watched her (helped her) grow up in a lot of ways. And I learned a lot about parenting from her (and, yes, her brother and sister too). I learned boundaries are good. Sticking to them consistently is better. Control for contol's sake is not good. Listening to the words is good. Listening to the intention behind the actions is better. Listening to your heart is best of all.

I'm incredibly proud of Chelsey - of the young woman she's become. I'm nervous as hell for her too. She'll be 19 when her son is born and that is mighty young. But then again, Ben's mom was 19 was he was born. So was Brigette's mom. And Chelsey has the support of her family and of John's family. And she's the stubbornest, most strong-willed kid I ever met, so I have a lot of faith that she'll be okay. Better than okay. She's had enough experiences of good and not-so-good parenting in her young life to recognize what works and what doesn't. And she's determined to break the bad cycles. She's a remarkable young woman.

We also went to Maya's 7th birthday party last night. Time flies so fast... I remember going to a birthday party for Sat Jiwan, who shares Maya's birthday, when Maya was just 1. Even then, as a little baby, Maya had a glow around her. She had charisma. At 1. She still does - crazy funny silly wonderful girl that she is. I miss our playdates, but she's a big girl now, going into 1 st grade... No, 2nd. 1st? I've lost track. It was great to see her all lit up and happy and playing with her friends - two of whom are named Ruby! (Yes, it's getting more popular, but it's still nowhere near the top of the list...)

Last night I dreamt, among other more horrible things I won't dwell on, that I was out for a jog through a quaint mountain village. I felt amazing - strong, athletic, skinny (!), then I remember I was pregnant and shouldn't be running. So I stopped and walked to a coffee shop, where all of a sudden everyone in the coffee shop was exclaiming about my baby who was no longer inside me, but laying on the counter next to me. She was all wrapped up in a million hats and blankets and I started pulling them all off her, because she was too hot. Within seconds she went from being a 4 month old to an 18-month old, wiggly and chatty and adorable. I was happy to have her but perplexed and sad I wasn't pregnant anymore.

Then the dream switched into this weird fantasy like experience where I was in a clawfoot tub on the ocean being pulled by whales... and then in a giant grand bathroom at a posh restaurant. And there was some bad guys I was meant to catch but they were locked in a statue... Then I missed my plane.

Yeah.

Another cool baby dream - I was sitting in a circle of women, mostly friends, some people I didn't know. One of the women I didn't know had a baby and she kept crawling over to me and into my arms - she was Indian, with dark hair and wide black eyes. I was holding her and thinking how sweet she was and Gurmukh said "Hari Parkash, you're going to be such a great mom. You'll do a great job." That was pretty cool.

Eating and ego

This week my midwife mentioned that I really should be eating mostly veggies. Not too much fruit, not a lot of heavy proteins, definitely no sugar (ugh) and reduce carbs to just a little bit of whole grains...

I pouted for a while about this, even though I love my veggies... I hate being told what to do and what to eat. I'm stubborn that way.

Then my doula mentioned it to someone else in our prenatal yoga class.

Then my boss said something about it.

Are they all in cahoots?

I don't need more than three signs from the universe to tell me what I already know, which is that I do need more veggies, etc etc. (oh sugary goodies, I miss you!) They are all insisting that it will make labor easier, that it will make sure Ruby doesn't get too big, but grows to just the right size, that it will keep my cool and thus keep her safer for the rest of the pregnancy.

Which got me thinking about the release of ego needed to become a parent... To do what's best for my daughter, even now, while she's still an inside baby, takes a bit of letting go of what I want. That's challenging. It's a challenge I'm incredibly grateful for.

So I'm off to eat more veggies! Where are those red peppers! Bring on the cukes! Lettuce, you are my friend!

Third trimester - no more traveling, lots more naps

It's been a while...

Here's what we've been up since May 9:


Went back to Arlington - this is the house I lived in from 4th - 7th grade. House was not that great, but lots of friends on the street made it fun.

Dinner with some HS friends - Thomas, Brig & Kathleen!

Manassas & the battle of Bull Run. Kinda neat.

Always beautiful - Monticello.
Ben and his idol, Thomas Jefferson
Dinner in Chinatown in DC

Lots of sightseeing in DC

My favorite spot in the city

Ruby's first visit to the National Mall
On the train to NYC

We LOVED being on the Lower East Side!
Ben and Frida

The view from our hotel (on superzoom)

Self-portrait on our balcony

Smooch at Central Park

A lovely dinner at our favorite place in Brooklyn with our favorite Brooklyn-ite, Gravity
hee hee!
Ella was happy to see us come home!

That took up a couple weeks...
After that I was traveling almost nonestop for about 2 months. It took its toll, but I'm so glad I was able to do it.

Last weekend we were up in SF for a wonderful baby shower - probably one of the best days of my life. My amazing family + Ben's amazing family + some of our dearest friends all in one house for a day. Just pure joy.

Hand delivered by an angel

Forgot to mention - Eaglewoman told us at the 120th day ceremony that she saw Ruby's spirit come in with an angel... and then the angel left alone.

So glad our little one had a friend drop her off at her new home! I hope her angel friend comes to visit us often - she's more than welcome anytime!!

Kicky little thing

So I've been saying for a while that Ruby will come out singing "The Wheels on the Bus (Go Round and Round)" since we sing it twice a week in Mommy & Me class. Today she kicked during the whole song. So either she's as sick of it as I am or she really really loves it.