A short post...
I've recently rediscovered my love of cooking. Ajax was advised to steer clear of dairy and wheat which has oddly brought out my rebellious, love-a-challenge side. I'm determined to find yummy things to cook that are a) healthy, b) wheat and dairy-free and c) appealing to a not-so-adventurous eater.
So far so good. Sort of a going back to basics road, but with a twist. Also having been veggie for many many years and now cooking meat, it's a whole new world!
Not surprisingly Thanksgiving got me really excited! My very ambitious menu was corn bread from Gluten-Free Girl; stuffing, also from G-F Girl (I love Shauna!); roast chicken stuffed with garlic, lemons and rosemary; green beans with carmelized shallots and roasted hazelnuts; rosemary roasted potatoes (do you notice a theme here?) and for dessert, vegan, wheat-free root beer float cupcakes. Oh and cranberry relish - just a little bit because I love it, but I'd be the only one eating it, and I don't love it that much! (Though it turns out that breakfast heaven is a tarty cranberry and orange relish on corn bread with soy butter... mmmmm)
What I actually made was the chicken, the potatoes, the cornbread (and have since made again - it was popular!), the green beans and the cranberry. We actually didn't end up eating dessert, which is good since I still havent' found a place to buy root beer extract!
The thing about cooking that I think appeals to me is that it gives me the opportunity to be creative while simultaneously following directions and improvising on them. For instance the chicken recipe I found called for a lot of nonsense stuff - I tossed it out, didn't make the gravy, and it turned out DELICIOUS. Oh I also frequently roast chickens upside down... mostly because I just don't know my way around a chicken, but then I read that it makes the chicken breast extra juicy, so... and much to my surprise and delight the chicken actually tasted of lemon, rosemary and garlic. Not overpowering, but just enough to make it delicious.
So now it's time to up the ante with some baking challenges...
I still want to try those root beer cupcakes - they're vegan and wheat-free (which from here on out will be called ACME - anything vegan and wheat-free is now known as ACME in our house... somehow that makes it more appealing). I'm determined to find ways to make ACME cookies and ACME bread that actually taste GOOD. I know it's possible because I did it for the wedding - spent hours making ACME cupcakes (well not entirely vegan, they had eggs, but close enough).
The other thing I'm dying to try to make is Lemon Olive Oil cookies. I know - it sounds weird and kinda gross, but the pictures are tantalizing... and if I can do them ACME, I'll feel so proud!
It's been slow at work lately for me. I'm sure, SURE, there are things I could be doing. But I'm not digging really hard to find them. I've just been extra efficient. I'm giving myself this morning to goof off a little and then I will go dig around for my old projects and resurrect them. Meanwhile... I will tackle this great empty blank page and see what sparks.
This weekend Ajax and I cleaned out the apartment and moved around the furniture. We pulled out my computer cabinet/desk, moved it next to the couch on Friday. Moved around all the bedroom furniture too - the whole place feels more open and airy. And we filled the trunk of the car with crap to take to Goodwill... and there's yet MORE in the hallway. zoinks.
Then I spent most of Saturday doing everything I could to avoid opening my desk and dealing with the piles of crap within it. About six months ago, we'd also moved furniture and I'd set up the desk in an effort to hopefully start writing/painting/crafting again. But I kept the doors closed on it, and eventually it became the stockpile for all the stuff we didn't know what to do with, since it had doors that could hide it all away...
On Sunday, I could procrastinate no longer. I told Ajax that part of my avoidance was the fear of having to be creative and not being good at it. Funny how the same old issues find new ways to manifest themselves. I had a realization in class a few weeks ago that part of the reason my hips are out of alignment is because I'm not using my creative power, so my 2nd chakra, that creative space is getting out of alignment in accordance. I'm not sure why I have suddenly (well, suddenly over the last couple years) built up resistance and fear to my creative side, but it's no longer okay to hide from it and perpetuate my own fears.
There are a few reasons why it's not acceptable for me any more. For one, I marked my body with the reminder that I will not ever live my life or make decisions based on fear. I have a big beautiful tattoo to remind me of that decision.
And second, and much more importantly, it's time for me to ready my body and in particular my 2nd chakra, my reproductive organs, for conceiving and carrying a child. I not only want this part of my body to be strong and aligned and balanced, I NEED it to be. And even more importantly, I want to pass onto my children the experience of risk and vulnerability when it comes to being creative. If I can't do it, then how I can be a role model for them?
So that's part of the reason I've started this blog. Also I need a space where I can type out my worries and my insecurities. And I want to document my journey as Ajax and I move toward our third and final wedding (the family wedding - oy!) and as we continue to create a life together. And as I mentioned before I am in the conscious pre-conception stage of parenthood - making the time to ready not only my body, but my pysche and spirit for having a child (well, two hopefully, but one at a time!)
Conscious pre-conception? What on earth? My friend Anna is a big proponent of this - of taking some time before you get pregnant to get ready to be pregnant and be a mother. What does it entail?
For me, physically, it entails a re-dedication to my yoga practice, abstaining from alcohol (not that hard for me, since I didn't really drink that much anyway), going back to being veggie (harder now...), reducing my sugar, dairy and wheat intake (dairy and wheat - no problem. sugar? waaahhhhh... don't wanna!!) and getting my glandular and hormonal systems in balance.
Spiritually, it's deeper and I'm still investigating that. Definitely means a re-dedication to my private meditation practice. (Bless you my sweet Ajax, for helping me set up a new space for my altar!) And journaling which is just not my favorite thing to do... but I think with this blog, I can.
Emotionally, it means coming to terms with whatever leftover issues or sadnesses were left from my own childhood and parents. I've thankfully been blessed with overall wonderful parents and a pretty normal childhood - no major major trauma that hasn't already been covered (oh, well, uncovered, actually, I guess) in therapy lo these many many years... A lot of the work (not work, really, challenge is more accurate. opportunity more accurate still) is finding within myself the ability to be strong in my own convictions and my own beliefs and my own needs. With Ajax as my support, I'm finding this easier and easier.
Oh and yes. I did manage to not only open and clean out the dreaded desk, but I've organized it in such a way that all my various supplies are accessible and available. And I'm actually excited about it. And starting this blog (even though I'm at work, naughty naughty) is my commitment to renewing my creativity.
