Love Story. Part I

(photo of Ajax and I on Burn Night 2006)

My sweet Ajax and I met at Burning Man. My best friend had been bugging me for years to get my ass to the Playa and camp with his camp. I even joined the camp and paid dues to said camp for three years before I made out there. My second day on the playa, this sweet wonderful man by the name of Ajax Valentine (a poet and dear friend of my best friend) and I sit down for a "little chat."

Two hours later... I am awestruck by his kindness, his honesty, his spirituality, his laughter. I know that my life has somehow changed and very much for the better... it was definitely one of those "okay, i've been looking for you for the past 35 years, now tell me EVERYTHING you've been up to since we last saw each other in that other lifetime." Just amazing. BUT - all that said - to me Ajax could only be just a friend. You see he lived so far away (NY? ugh - I am a Hollywood girl) and oh, did I mention he had a girlfriend. So I put whatever thoughts I might have fleetingly had and for the next week developed a deep, deep connection with my new wonderful friend.

Little did I know that on Thursday morning, Ajax wandered into our communal dome to find me reading to our friends 5 year old daughter. I vaguely remember him coming in and looking at me and Gracie reading "Hippos Go Berserk" then walking out again. He walked out again, because in that moment he had a vision of me in OUR home reading to OUR daughterS. Plural. And he knew that his life was going to be changing in a radical way.

That night we went out... one of those weird nights on the Playa where you just wander. We wandered into a hall of mirrors that show your true reflection (seriously cool and weird). I said "I'm a girl and girls know mirrors." He said, with dead seriousness and sweet respect, "You are a woman, and don't let anyone, even you, say different." Whoa. Later that night, I was being a goofball, as I'm wont to do and he said laughingly "Okay Miss Whimsy, off you go." We both stopped and in an instant, I had my Playa name. Monday comes and with it came sad goodbyes. I sobbed hardest hugging my darling Ajax, unable to conceive of spending my days without him. I chalk it up to being sad to leave."

Fast forward to the middle of October. Ajax and other friends descend into Hollywood for Decom. I can tell something's different. Ajax reveals his vision. I tell him I don't know what to do with that information, seeing as nothing's changed (except that now I'm smitten). I'm trying to date in LA, he's got a girl in NY... After a weekend of fun and laughter, it's time for him to go back to NY. As he gets in the car to go, he kisses me sweetly, chastely and tells me he loves me and he'll be back. I nod, try not to cry and wonder "When?"

One week later I get the first of what will be many poems in my email. It's a love poem no doubt. I tell my best friend "I think Ajax sent me a love poem." and as I say the words I have that giddy crush feeling all over. My best friend says "Well, you know he broke up with his girl last night, right?" Uh. No. Soon the courtship begins. I get an outline of his hand traced in Crayon in the mail (actual mail!). On it is written "The right hand of Ajax, in case you want to hold it, and I'm not there." Swoon. More letter, poems and flowers flood my mailbox and inbox for the next three weeks. He tells me he'll be here on the 15th of November. Yikes! I tell my girlfriends I think 'he's the one.' They shriek. I shriek. Is this crazy? Probably. But my intuition, every fiber of me knows it's perfect and true and divine.

And yet there are fears. Of course there are. Layers of them, as I explained over bad taco-truck food to Brian one night. First layer is what if he gets to LA and I find that I just got wrapped up in the romance of it all, but really I just don't feel the same way. Second layer is what if I do feel the same way? Third is what if I do feel the same way, we fall madly in love and all my prayers are answered? What then?

And it was that third layer that helped me come back to reality. I believe strongly in prosperity consciousness in every aspect. The Law of Attraction... you know. The Secret. So if I was able to manifest the one thing I wanted more than anything else - a partner with whom I could grow and explore and share and laugh and love with - then what else was there in the in universe? I'd been so focused on that one thing - on finding love, that I didn't really think too much about what came after that? Kids, sure - that's the next step. But then what? What do I day dream about after that? What do I attempt to manifest then?

Silly fears I realize now, but at the time they provided me with some really excellent opportunities for exploring what it was that I expected to both get and give in relationship. I'd definitely come the realization before I even went to Burning Man that no relationship was going to save me... what was I needing to be saved from? And though many many people/books/teachers/gurus all said "You have to love yourself before you can love another or be loved by another truly" I didn't really feel that I'd achieved that until I experienced my own love for and appreciation of myself at Burning Man. And I don't think I even really realized I'd done it - it was so organic, the entire experience of being on the Playa, being completely accepted and embraced for being me - that it felt completely natural.

And of course that's when I found myself most open to loving and being loved. It was very much about timing - if Ajax hadn't come to Decom or I hadn't gone to Burning Man... how different our lives would be.

But we went where we were needed. Where we needed to be...

And that brought us to this:

November 15. The airport. Waiting anxiously at the outdoor luggage carousel in Burbank. People streaming out. All NY types. None my Ajax. More people. More. Where is he? And then he's there. And his bags are dropped. And his hands are on my face. And he's kissing me. Oh that kiss. That perfect perfect kiss, full of passion pent-up, and sweetness ready to be given. Oh. I melt. I'm not wrong. I'm right. He's the one.