38 special

I am currently 16 minutes away from my 38th birthday.

Been kind of gloomy and in a funk the past week... I'm blaming it (officially) on insomnia, Ajax's cold, lonely hotel night, unhealthy take-out and lack of exercise. (Oh and Ajax says: "winter blues")

Were I to give you an "unofficial" reason for the general malaise and out of the blue crying it might sound a little like this:
WAH WAH WAH I FEEL OLD (and I never have before and I wish my knee would stop with the creaking and what the hell? I don't look old and if I'm old now I'll be really really old when I have a baby and really really really really old when that baby does anything remotely important like walks or drives or wins the Nobel Peace Prize and then it'll be horrible and my life will be over and and and...)

Yeah.

So I'm sticking by my official reasons.

Winter blues sounds about right.

Also "Full Moon" which apparently is going to wreak havoc on my life... tomorrow.

So happy birthday me.

11 minutes left.

I know I'm being silly and honestly the general bummed-outedness I feel probably IS winter blues and the full moon and bad food and lack of exercise. And let's not forget this week's fun fun fun insomnia. You know - where I either can't fall asleep at all for hours, OR wake up every couple of hours OR just wake up at 3 for no reason and lie there staring at the ceiling fan (and wondering if Ajax would notice if I dusted it while he slept below it... it's really dirty. I should know - I stare at it all fucking night.)

Grrr... insomnia. Been hanging around with Brian and Blue too long - their affliction has obviously rubbed off on me.

8 minutes.

I'm going to keep writing until midnight, so I can both say and write the word "rabbit" at 12:00. Because when I was a kid my Popsicle told me that if you say "rabbit" first thing when you wake up on your birthday you'll have good luck all year long. I've never heard that from anyone else, so he might have been making it up on the spot. (I can see him right now going "who me? make it up? what?")

So in the next 5 minutes I will list all the things I am really truly happy about in my life. (So sue me if it looks a lot like my Thanksgiving list...)

Ajax - I worked a long late day today, very stressy as all week has been at work and when I got home, he cuddled with me on our bed, gave me the convenient "winter blues" reasoning for my tears and let me cry them nonetheless... for a few minutes. Then he made me laugh. He always does that! Darn that Ajax with his smiling eyes and sweet kisses.

Brian moving back here, preferably in our neighborhood. I hadn't really let myself realize how much I missed him until he was here this week. I missed him living here a fucking lot. Damn. So sad he's moving here sans Surlita, but so happy he's coming back to LA.

Mommy & Me class - all those cute babies grinning up at me and sweet moms chatting with me. I am happy everytime I teach that class and see cute little Ava practically doubled-over with delight about the "Wheels on the Bus" song or when Jude or Leela climbs up on the teacher's bench to help me teach.

My house - it's clean (yay!), it's warm and it's cute.

My family - oh my gosh, I could go on for hours... but I have a minute. Literally. Mom & Pops have always provided me with an amazing foundation and example for marriage and for life.

oh!



RABBIT!

I am officially 38.

Can I go to bed now?