It's my first official day on leave. It kind of feels like vacation! I slept in... until 7:10, which is sleeping when you've been getting up at 4:30 for the last two weeks! I'm slowly making a list of things I'd like to get done today (walk, chiro appointment, Target, sweep the house, nap) and am loving that it's cool, gray and foggy out.
Mostly though I feel like I'm in a dream-state. I don't have any real responsibilities, aside from getting myself to the chiro appointment. All weekend I've felt completely relaxed and free - Ruby could arrive at any minute and that's fine. She could not show up for two more weeks and that's fine too. The house might be spotless when she arrives. Or it might not. And that's fine. It's like I'm floating through life, totally content with this slower pace and not freaking out at all (seriously) about anything that might or might not get done. At this point it really doesn't matter. It's like the best vacation ever. Because at the end of this "vacation" I get a baby!
I've been reading a lot about post-partum care - not for Ruby, which I think we'll figure out - but for me. I've been practicing slowing down, letting Ajax or other people do things for me, because that has not typically been my strong suit. Only child syndrom - I'm very "I CAN DO IT MYSELF" and don't really like to a) ask for help or b) take orders. But in the last couple weeks my sweet husband who never gets mad, started to get frustrated because I'm insisting on carrying this or that or doing something that I know I can do. Finally he said "Will you please start acting like you're 38 weeks pregnant? And let me do that for you."
And I had a little ah-ha! moment. Oh yeahhh... I'm 38 weeks pregnant, 39 weeks tomorrow. I'm supposed to be slowing down. Taking it easy. Resting. Resting to have the strength and endurance to go through labor. And also it's good practice after Ruby is born because I'm not supposed to be doing much for a month or so afterwards either. So I need to relax and let other people do stuff for me now. It definitely rankles me. I don't like it - I feel selfish and helpless all at the same time which just ends up pissing me off. But if it means that I'll have a healthier baby and be healthier myself in the long run so I can be an even better mom, then I'll get over myself. But gah - it ain't easy.
1 comments:
First of all, I love Ben. I just have to say that! But I also have to tell you, as someone who has had to have a lot of help the last few years, it will make Ben feel good to help you, make him feel like he's contributing, too. Think about that when you're wanting to be superwoman. Don't deny him his involvement! I had to learn the hard way. I'm glad you're learning in such a nice way. Oh, and did I mention, I love your husband, my son Ben.
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