The last week or so has been rough. Work stress for both of us and a bit of a Hippo decom made the end of last week up until this week rocky and frustrating.
For me, I felt like I was drowning under my new work responsibilities, my old work responsibilities and my personal responsibilities (hotel blocks! registries! ring designs! oh my!)... and the more overwhelmed I felt the more I could feel old patterns of "gotta do everything perfectly, can't complain, just suck it up..." rearing their ugly heads.
And okay, it didn't help that I was PMS-ing bigtime and having not really had bad PMS before going on the pill for a year, and not having it all while I was on the pill, I wasn't entirely sure what was happening, hormonally-speaking. (Also my monthly visitor arrived abotu 4 days early... which is better than late, don't get me wrong!)
Add all of that to taxes (oh oh oh we owe!) and a major energy shift at work, as we tried, unsuccessfully to buy out the stockholders and wham bam! All of that led to one very stressed out me... I should have clued in and realized it was time to slow down for a bit when I gashed up my little finger doing dishes. (Probably should have gotten stitches... or at least had a doc look at it, but it seems to be fine now. Bled for fuckin-ever though.)
By the time Friday night, the last weekend of Teacher Training, rolled around I was already exhausted and so not in the mood for catching Gurmukh's stressed out flak about how we were doing our practicums. (My standard answer of "It's what we did last year and it was fine then" didn't seem to appease her.)
I will say this though - working out has made me stronger emotionally. Rather than backpedaling when being questioned, I stood my ground. So much so, actually, that Tej had to say "We're not criticizing you, Hari Parkash." (Really? Cause it kind of feels like it.)
Long story short, I was ready for the weekend by 9:30 on Monday!
But I wasn't alone! Marlene had similar issues. So did Ben. So when I ran into Eaglewoman on Monday afternoon I asked her what was up... and she agreed that the energy of the full moon (oh yeah? Did I mention the full moon?) had things wacky. She also said that she'd noticed on Friday night my energy was off, and she was already sending me healing energy and that she wanted to gift me with a free session. SCORE!
Now all of that is a longgggg way of getting to the heart of this episode, which was today's incredible session with Eaglewoman.
I will start by saying that I was already feeling much more productive, more appreciated and stronger in the last couple of days. Without getting all "woman-power" about it, I do think the release of getting my period (have I mentioned it was 4 dang days early?) helped immensely. But I was not prepared at all really for the incredible power of this session with Eaglewoman.
We started as we always do with an opening of the space in which she says a prayer, as I (or anyone getting a treatment) stand, slightly pigeon-toed and knees soft, hands open, spine tall. As she began her prayer I felt an immense sense of calm come over me. Then I felt tingles all up and down my spine as I saw the spirit of a young man walk around me, brushing my aura with an eagle feather. I asked to see his face and when he stood in front of me, all I saw was the deep, kind eye of a hawk, yellow and blinking calmly. Ooookaay... stage was set for some powerful mojo.
After the prayer I laid down on the massage table, and Eaglewoman covered me up with a blanket and covered my eyes with a soft cotton cloth. Her treatments are very interactive, there's no drifting off as the angels just do their magic. You've got to do some work as well... She gently places her hands on different parts of my body - mostly my heart center and tummy and begins to ask different questions: "I am feeling that you are overly stressed - how does this resonate with you? It feels like you are attached to your thinking side of your brain, your analytical side, more than usual. Breathe deeply and go back to the point where this pattern was triggered. What happened there?"
It sounds silly, but it's hard work to dig that deep and trust so much. And a lot of issue came up. Like trust - as in my ability to really trust myself on a deep level to have what it takes to live up to this new promotion. Or on an ever deeper level to be a mother. Because, as she told me for the second time, there is a little soul petitioning very very hard to come over. She says it's a boy.
But don't go getting all excited - other people have said we'll have girls, and both Ajax and I have envisioned girls in our own meditations and trances. Actually it's kind of interesting that she's said a boy, because it's showing me my own investment in having a daughter. What I really want is a healthy happy child. A girl or a boy. I know we can raise an son to be a incredible man. One of the first things I thought when Ajax and I first got together was that with him, I'd be excited to raise a son because I know he'd be such a good powerful kind compassionate man. So who knows...
Back to the treatment...
(this is getting long...)
As we moved deeper into the session (which at once seemed to fly by in 10 minutes and also seemed to be two hours), Eaglewoman helped me to uncover some deep seeded fears of moving foward into my own strength. And helped me move into a stronger feeling of self-worth and appreciation for my own gifts. She also said that because I am so sensitive I take on the emotions (worry, fear, frustration...) of those closest to me (who me?), but what I have to learn is that because I am empathic, I need to learn how to discern what is mine and what is not. And to also learn not to take the stuff that's not mine so personally.
She also said that when I'm stressed, I tend to think from my analytic mind, relying on facts, figures and what I
know. But in the end relying on that stuff doesn't actually help, but hurts because when I go to that left brained world, I turn off the intuitiveness and the creativity of the other side. So it's time to "forget what I know and remember what I've forgotten."
And with that release we went deeper. The whole time she was saying that she was re-aligning my grid and my position on the grid. As she worked on solidifying the grid, she said that the elders were placing a big emerald on my heart center and were handing me the archives - both of which are thing she'd not seen with other people before. Basically it means that it's really really time for me to step fully into my spiritual power and to start expecting miracles. Not to look for them, but just expect them to arrive.
It was a powerful experience. During the hour I went wayyy out to old lives, felt I was looking over an ocean from inside a cave on a cliff and felt as if I understood the entire universe and could heal the world.
After the session we were talking about the experience - we both agreed the ocean vision felt Atlantean (Atlantic?). I'm sure I had a lifetime in Atlantis (oh here I go, all woo-woo!) as a healer, but Eaglewoman confirmed it and said not only was I a healer but I could also move things telepathically.
We also talked a little about my dreams, which are getting more and more vivid... And her take on my dreams is that, just like in waking life, I am able to shift energy and create healing energy for the people I am dreamign about. Usually it's me in the dream, but she said that I have to start learning how to discern when it really is me, and when it's someone else that I am helping to heal. So I have to become more lucid in dreamstate. This will be interesting...
After the session I felt both 12 feet tall and light as a feather. Now I am tired. But so so so very grateful. Grateful that I spend my days in a place that encourages the kind of energy work I did today, grateful that I got to spend two hours of my workday babysitting my friend Elizabeth's little girl, and most grateful of all to come home to a beautiful house on top of a hill to find two sweet happy kittens and one amazing husband.
Back on the grid. And life is good.
