Another day...

Last night we got excited. I was having contractions and they were getting stronger and closer together. For hours. I knew I needed to go to bed and just not think about it, so I texted our midwife and our doula to let them know and got into bed.

And laid there like a 5 year old on Christmas Eve. Way too excited. Dreams of filling the birth tub, of breathing my way through contractions and holding our gorgeous baby girl in my arms filled my head. Then my sinuses backed up and I couldn't breathe so I tossed and turned. Then Ella kept breaking into Ruby's room and getting shut in there, so I kept getting up out of bed to get her.

Finally by 2 am I'd found my very last Breath Right strip for my nose and decamped to watch whatever I could find on TV. Slept on the couch for an hour. Went back to bed. Dozed for another hour. Ajax got up at 4 after what I'm sure wasn't all that restful a night, what with me up and down a dozen times... I slept until 7.

We were giddy this morning. Still having contractions - no harder, but still there. Yay.

We had breakfast, cleaned up a little, talked about what we could to do to get the house ready more. We made calls. I took another nap. Sarah came over. Then Davi called and said "You'll hate me for saying this now, but you'll thank me later... you're in 'pre-labor'. Stop timing the contractions. Go out, go have your day, go for walk. Rest. Eat well. It could be days."

Days? Did she seriously just say "days"? As in not Saturday, but maybe Sunday. Or Monday?

ARRRRGGHHHHHHH...

But okay. So we go live our life. We go to Griffith and walk. Hit Birds for lunch (seriously this long-ass non-labor thing is wreaking havoc on our checking account.) Came home for nap #2.

Something shifted and I woke up feeling so discouraged again. So frustrated. I didn't want to go anywhere with a lot of people. Definitely didn't want to drive anywhere. I took a shower, tried to clear my head...

I keep feeling like we have this ominous deadline looming - Tuesday is 42 weeks and that means scary, terrifying words like "hospital" and "pitocin" and "IV drip" and the most dreaded of all "C-section."

I know I know I KNOW I need to release this fear or it will manifest, but holy fucking hell. I'm already a hormonal basket-case...

So I keep breathing. Watching silly movies and shows on TV. Can't read because what's the point in starting a new book? Though I guess I should. Getting really sick of walking walking walking even though I know it's best for us all.

Tomorrow Mom & Pops come. I was so sure we'd have a brand new baby for them to see. Instead they get a very pregnant, hormonal, cry at the drop of a hat, me. Hope this baby comes soon.